commitment

 i have a gift that everything i want in my life i manifest in other people's lives.

i am alone because every single man i've ever fancied has, at the prospect of me, decided on someone else. i'm too much. i'm a fantasy. do i have a match? no i do not.

doesn't make me bitter or jealous. i like when couples form in mutuality and respect. i love witnessing their happiness. i like knowing God works through us in mysterious ways.  being alone and staying in a good mood is already a lot of work, i'd feel bitter and jealous if i stopped working. by being the safe choice, the easier option, those other women have their own stupid shit to deal with, 

most real life sweethearts who have chosen better woman over me, have ended up angry at me and that sucks. i had good friends that i encouraged and supported over the years turn against me suddenly and definitively. and i get it. and i accept it. i'm not going to make a messy situation messier with my presence. 

i'm just going to stay in the lane that i invented, that only matters to me, and take care of my mom who steals money from me and keep laser focusing all my prayer on positive outcome for all our affairs. because my prayer works, not for me, for you.